i’m not always as transparent as I promised to be. it stems from the fear of oversharing, but today I feel strong sitting within my imperfections. so why not exercise that strength…

I’ve been fixated on the idea of self-mastery. I haven’t quite been able to create an all-encompassing definition of self-mastery that I can find peace with, but I’m able to understand more about what is important to me as I continue to chase it. last time I was here I talked about being stuck in a space of frustration for a few days. an update on that – it lasted 3 weeks. it brought out bad habits - mainly the abandonment of my good habits - and pushed me down a few notches to the point which I became alarmed at how much ground I had lost. but it slapped some sense into me and I’m happy to admit I’ve been making some headway again after finally putting forth the effort to get the ball rolling.

upon my fixation with self-mastery, I’ve been diving into books that I’ve felt can teach me some invaluable life lessons for me to apply. it’s been especially important to me throughout this past year and a half in which I’ve had the ability to be a bit more selfish. the ability to make decisions and only need to consult with myself. my current read is called The Way of the Superior Man by David Deida. I’m sure many of you have heard of it, and for those who haven’t, I strongly recommend giving it a read. even the women out there. there are lessons that can be implemented regardless of sex, and also, there are things that may teach you how to communicate with and support the important men in your life.

one of the chapters I read talked about living close to the edge – the edge being the finite capacity for growth, work, and destiny. a man’s limit. and after reading the page and a half long chapter, I couldn’t help but write all of the things that were heavy on my heart and mind regarding myself.

I should also mention that oftentimes when I journal, I speak in third person as if I were sitting and speaking to myself. here’s what I had to say:

11/23/2021 – THE WAY OF THE SUPERIOR MAN

“I know that I can be studying harder, scoring higher and putting a better foot forward, but I’ve become lazy and undisciplined.”

The fears are there. Don’t run and hide from them. Don’t pretend they aren’t there. Don’t lie as if we’re managing them better than we are – not to yourself or to others. They can smell the fear on you. Even when you put a blanket over the fire, they can smell the smoke… and we lose our integrity because we’re pretending. Own your position. Take accountability for it. It’s yours. And the fears that we’ve avoided – the ones that led us to this confined space – approach them. Lean into them. Press against them. And get comfortable here. This is where we reside now. Allow the thrill of uncertainty and the amplitude of pressure to fuel you. Live sympathetically – and with that, I mean hone the fight or flight state of behavior. Get comfortable traveling at the excessively high speeds. And own every second.

As we grown within this new norm, we’ll find that we become more valuable to the world and more valuable to the other men around us; an asset. But we also find that we cannot help but gain respect for ourselves.

Remain aware. A fearful man who is aware of his fear can be trusted far more than a man without the awareness. This awareness will also help us remain in proximity to the fears - the limit - the edge.

Areas Needing Focus

Spiritual: Be consistent with God and the Scripture. He saved and restored you. Either choose to lose sleep or choose to lose leisure time, but do not rob God of his time or of the relationship that he worked so hard to build with you.

Academic: Find the consistency. Work from behind. Get the answers wrong. & learn why. Improvement requires failure, so why fear the failure at all? Embrace the shortcomings.

Self: Honor your true wishes. The sexual control. The emotional discipline. The social etiquette. Perhaps it’s time to actively redefine who you want to become so that you can identify the behaviors that aren’t helping you get there.

GOOD WORK TODAY.

LOVE, E.

If you’re reading, I encourage you to take a few moments to determine if fear has been dictating how you move, how you make decisions, or where you are in any given area of your life. Don’t be a slave to the things you can conquer. Male or female. Young or old. Trained or untrained. Close out the year by identifying where you’ve allowed your fears to confine you, then break the mold and get to where you belong.

if you want to be notified the next time we gather here for another (b)lesson, don’t forget to subscribe. i’ll always be looking forward to having you back. I can’t tell you what we’ll be talking about next time you’re here, but I can assure you it’ll be a good, quick read.

“Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.” -Rumi.

all love, love always, E.