quick life update. we have two exams left, and the Basic Sciences are over. then the United States-administered board exam. then clinical rotations. there’s been so much headway in the last four months, and I still can’t fathom that I’m really en route to becoming a physician one day.

in the days that have passed, God answered one of my biggest prayers this year. to put it plainly, I wanted more friends rooted in my faith. siblings to hold me accountable. brothers to impart wisdom. sisters to help me develop just that - the relationship of sisterhood with women who aren’t sisters by blood. I have those.

on a weekly basis, I spend my days with my brother Emmanuel. I see my sister Sahony countless times a month, and those days are the sunniest. I’ve built inspiration and drawn admiration from men like Justin, Kenny, and Rammel - men who know the word of God so well and practice in a way that makes me want to draw closer. people who live their lives in a manner that reflects that what they pour into God is rewarded a hundred-fold.

and, of course, Winta. last night Winta and I were kicking back and picking each other’s brains about the pivotal year. most people have a pivotal year. a cornerstone year that transitioned them from who they were to who they are. for Winta, it was 2019 bridging into 2020. for myself, it was 2021. and from that conversation, we drew one very interesting revelation – the pivotal year only seems so pivotal because it was a steep ascent from our old baseline to our new baseline. at times, we look back to that year and yearn to have that level of focus, level of growth, and level of self-investment. but we do that without recognizing that today, we are at our new baseline. and although we’ve been desensitized to this level of being – it’s a place we reached out of moments of despair and deep work.

not having that sense of urgency today doesn’t mean we’re any less focused. in fact, it might mean we’re all the more consistent. and that’s an incredible feat to acknowledge.

in early 2022, I wrote a reflection piece in my diary. I had been struggling with the concept of purpose – a struggle that was rooted in the feeling that I didn’t know my own. and God, in typical God fashion, blew my mind. quickly. I had been reading a book that addressed it immediately, and this is what I learned.

1.12.2022 – Be Willing to Change Everything in Your Life.
Yesterday I wrote about how imperative it was for me to find my core purpose and about how lost and fearful I felt for not knowing. Today, I got an immediate answer. Life is a cycle of lesser purposes that need to be experienced and completed to reach my deepest purpose. Almost like levels of a video game.
So where does that leave me? Right now, my purpose is to work my tail off in school and sharpen my skills as a physician-in-training, to restore my heart from the pain that remains, to use the remainder of my youth to become an absolute monster, and finally, to learn how to manage that monster appropriately – because it's better to have it and not need it than to need it and not have it. So for now, I work relentlessly at that entire purpose because it's the furthest horizon that God has given me right now.
Eventually, I'll fulfill my role in this purpose though. I'll eventually graduate from medical school. My heart and spirit will feel less burden. I'll get further and further into self-mastery, becoming a monster in all five wheels of self-development. And I'll know how to modulate my intensity in each of those five areas appropriately. Well... then what? Then I put formal closure to those projects. I tie up loose ends to ensure that my departure from those projects won't burden anyone. In this case that is simple because many of the projects are being approached only with self, but in the future this might not be the case. Once I've detached myself from what I've outgrown, I wait patiently for the next vision from God.
This is the hard part.
While I wait, it's important not to distract myself with Xbox, outings, meaningless women, or anything else that can steal my focus. Instead, I should remain in an open, meditative space until God speaks. Even if it takes weeks.
And even when I do get my next signal, I should know that it won't be a detailed vision – just a pre-emptive sign of or nudge towards the direction I should go next. This is where it is imperative to act quickly and with intention. Just get to the road even without the roadmap because God will continue to unravel the rest as I need it. And I work my ass off on that purpose until I fulfill that one too.
That's life – until we reach our deepest purpose in life, we evolve from one purpose to the next sharpening the tools that are most appropriate at each stage.
So the next time you feel empty and disinterested, close that purpose and prepare for the next. And next time you worry about what you can't see, find peace in what you can – it's all you need.

so apply pressure, but cut the pressure.

in the grand scheme of things, we’re so minuscule, but our efforts are monumental.

we’re not meant to see further.

we’re not meant to do more than what’s asked.

we’re not meant to have more than what is in our kit of resources at this moment.

because if we did.

why seek Him?

if you want to be notified the next time we gather here for another (b)lesson, don’t forget to subscribe. i’ll always be looking forward to having you back. I can’t tell you what we’ll be talking about next time you’re here, but I can assure you it’ll be a good, quick read.

in the wise words of my brother Emmanuel:

what you have is enough right now – if it weren’t, the God with you would have given you more.

all love - love always, E.