we’re going to cut right to the chase with this entry. I like the vibe this song creates. I feel that it helps for you all to know what I’m listening to as I get my thoughts off because perhaps the songs will invoke the same feelings for you that they do for me. this song has put me in my pensive bag. I can’t explain it to you, but there’s music that provokes my creativity and sparks a deep train of thought for me. I think it’s most effective if you guys read this under the same conditions that I’m putting it together. but anyway, let’s get to it.

sometimes you gotta look in the mirror and remind yourself whothefuckyouare.

a few years ago, I was in the worst place I’ve ever been in my life. I was fresh off of a break up & I hated being in my own skin. sounds pretty cliché right? this was my first dance with severe depression, my first outing at therapy, and the first time I learned something dangerously true about myself up to that point: I had lost all association with myself as an individual. everything that was me was contingent on my partner. & I didn’t realize until that stretch in October of that year that I was in the worst place that you could be - everything that was ‘E’ had walked out. told me in the parking lot of a Panera that she just didn’t want anything to do with me anymore. hugged me. got in the car. drove off. and for months, it was a plunge to the bottom.

i’m going to intervene here to make a very important point: if you can look up, you can get up.

am I the first person to go through a loss of identity? of course not. some of our favorite creators give us their best creations as a result of a lost identity - as a result of a broken spirit. it doesn’t have to be a break-up either. this loss can be the result of a bump in the trajectory of one’s future, a hiccup in the plans for your career, an unfortunate turn of events in your family. the cause shouldn’t change the approach. as for whatever has derailed your momentum, don’t give it more power than it needs to have. respect your challenges or they weaken you, but remember, you’ve got another level that you can tap into. the question isn’t the availability of that next level, but the effort you’re willing to put towards reaching that next level.

another intervention: worry won’t empty tomorrow of sorrow, but it’ll empty today of strength.

I didn’t put any effort into pulling myself out of that hole for nearly 8 months. all the worry and all the doubt essentially paralyzed me. sometimes you need something to speak to you, something that encourages you to get up & get moving. when I began to move, it was entirely in the wrong direction - adopting habits that weren’t natural to me. doing things that made me uncomfortable. following what society said a 21-year old fresh off of a break up should be doing. & while I forced it, I learned that I hated it. but movement was movement. what I mean is that I was able to figure out who I am by using the process of elimination and realizing who I was not. & it was a strenuous, mistake-rich process, but it was a much more successful process than laying on my bedroom carpet, listening to classical music and waiting for the next panic attack. it was much more successful than letting my spirit sit paralyzed in the deeper crevices of my body.

last intervention: you are much stronger and much more capable than you’re convincing yourself you are. & even more important to the world.

I really do pray that your journey to revelation and self-discovery is easier than mine. but even if it isn’t - I just pray that you move. soon. in any direction. the movement will facilitate the comparison, and the comparison will influence the discovery. if you’re not where you’re supposed to be, you’ll know. but do yourself the favor. find a way to where you are supposed to be. that last step is the difference between living & existing.

it doesn’t matter whether you’ve been down for 8 seconds, 8 days, 8 months or 8 eternities. the second you find yourself boxed in, you’ve been out-boxed.

look up. get up. touch gloves. punch back.

if you want to be notified the next time we gather here for another (b)lesson, don’t forget to subscribe. i’ll always be looking forward to having you back. I can’t tell you what we’ll be talking about next time you’re here, but I can assure you it’ll be a good, quick read.

now - remind us all whothefuckyouare.

all love - love always, E.