took me a while to find some rest – now i’m sitting comfortably.

cheers from Grenada. I’ve been here for 24 days now so it’s safe to say I’m settled.

never settling. but settled.

when I landed here, the people around me were so excited for me - and I was too - but I didn’t disclose all of my feelings regarding this trip.

in the event that you’re a newcomer here, i’m a second-year medical student at St. George’s University, an institution based in Grenada, West Indies.

on the surface, the idea of up & relocating gave me such a visceral excitement. I was so ecstatic about the idea of leaving Jersey, leaving some of the things associated with my life there, and having this fresh start even if it would only be temporary. in my mind, it would finally give me the opportunity to fall into deep work, fall into solitude, fall out of bad relationships, & fall into better ones by dictating who I would choose to surround myself with. 24 days in, I can confidently say that I’m enjoying the group of people I’ve chosen.

a bunch of workhorses.

and although that’s a good group to inspire me, it gave me a concrete feeling of Imposter Syndrome when we got the ball rolling. a majority of my peers have studied medicine online in the past year and a half just like I have. ingesting and retaining information without the ability to practice it all clinically. but for whatever reason, being surrounded by a plethora of people I would be working with and also competing against – it made me feel like I didn’t quite belong. like I was fraudulently getting by. & I lived with that sentiment for a few days early in the term, praying against it, and eventually curbing it one morning before feeling comfortable enough to speak on it in retrospect.

the night before I dissociated myself from that Imposter Syndrome, I sat restlessly thinking about Emeka Madubuogo.

of all people, Emeka Madubuogo.

Emeka is one of my longest-tenured friends from middle school. for those of you in the UK who classify school differently, I met Emeka at age 13. & in the ensuing years, I got to know him as a wild card – sincere, loyal, & driven, but erratic, spontaneous, & popular as well.

Emeka studied at Rutgers University to earn his Bachelor’s Degree before earning his J.D. at Villanova University. he’s an attorney representing some of the most promising young music artists out of the northeast in our local domain. and he’s thrived in his profession without sacrificing an ounce of who he is at his core – and I want that for myself.

but Emeka and I differ in many areas. Emeka is well-known and praised publicly. I’ve learned to pull myself out of the spotlight over the past few years and fly under the radar. Emeka can bounce from one outing to another and still be up for work and his productivity never falters. I need my 7 hours of sleep or I become suboptimal. Emeka walks into any room with his chest up, his head high, and his eyes locked in. I knock on doors and ask if I’m welcome. we just go about it differently – but one area where Emeka and I are the same:

we want to be the best so badly.

and I wasn’t going to get there with Imposter Syndrome.

so what changed?

well, I looked for some answers. I looked for insight from my peers. I inquired about study techniques - although I have my own. I asked about third-party resources - although I’ve researched some myself. and I poked questions about habits outside of school - although I knew how I liked to spend my extra time.

& what I learned was really interesting.

medical students are just a bunch of ducks.

above the surface we appear calm, we hold our composure, and we stay afloat. but under the surface, we’re kicking the water away rapidly to avoid sinking in our work. everyone is struggling with managing their time. everyone is struggling with ingesting the high volume of material at such a high pace. everyone is looking at others for tips and tricks to make it even the least bit simpler.

I’ve identified areas in which I’m very strong with my approach. I schedule every single minute of my day, down to my walks from my apartment to my bus stop. I allot time for hobbies that bring me sanity – the gym, the basketball court, the beach – but all within reason because the work comes first. I’ve honed into the ways that are most effective for me to study without being low-yield, redundant, or unnecessarily taking up too much of my time.

then I found areas in which I could sharpen up by speaking to others. working clinically to be better at the hands-on practice. creating a map between the information we’re presented and a final diagnosis and plan. and most importantly, working just a tad harder when I believe I’m done. that extra inch goes a long way, let alone the extra mile.

so what was my conclusion?

my conclusion is that I belong. I am exactly where I am supposed to be. & I worked my ass off to get here. so I can sit comfortably.

if you want to be notified the next time we gather here for another (b)lesson, don’t forget to subscribe. i’ll always be looking forward to having you back. I can’t tell you what we’ll be talking about next time you’re here, but I can assure you it’ll be a good, quick read.

I know it’s been quite a while since I’ve stopped in, but I’m sure you can all understand that life has been a bit more demanding lately. it was nice to take a seat and get you all up to speed, but I can’t sit too long. the curriculum calls.

thanks for stopping in & *listening* to your boy.

all love - love always & always working, E.