there’s a house in the woods where

the hookah smoke is refined. and the stars are visible. and the sugar in the coffee sits at the bottom of the mug. so the last two sips are the best two sips - you drink the coffee awaiting those last two sips.

and the host asks all the right questions.

the questions make you resonate on what you’ve been learning and what you believe. on what’s been forced out of you during your recent growth. and sometimes the answers are instantaneous and make for fluid conversation. but other times

there’s silence.

long silence.

comfortable silence.

as you collect yourself and deliver an answer. or as you piece things together and come upon a revelation in that silence. sometimes the silence is enlightenment.

these are some of the stages of my growth that i’ve recently undergone. some of the things i’ve shared at the house in the woods. after the silence.

one.

I fear God heavily and healthily. but I don’t always prioritize him appropriately. my soul has been whispering for as long as I can remember. God has been guiding me for as long as I can remember. working in the background. moving mountains. creating miracles.

oftentimes, it’s hard for me to recognize what comes from God & what comes from the enemy. when is it God speaking through an individual - and when is it the enemy? when is it the angel on my shoulder? & when is it the devil in my ear? when are the wolves in sheep’s clothing walking among me?

other times, my shame keeps me away from my Father. I know what sin is. and I know when I sin. and I sin regardless. and I think ‘how can I tell God I knew what I was doing & did it anyway…’ ?

two.

this shame makes my soul mumble. it slowly urges me to approach God anyway, and seek the forgiveness that we’re promised. but I know God can be a punishing God. I’ve read it. so how can I be so sure that my approach won’t be greeted with disappointment & punishment? I’d much rather keep away from’em. not face the punishment head on. just linger and try to keep out of sight. lay low.

but this leads to periods in my life in which I maneuver my days with a fear of bad karma. believing that there’s a target on my back and it’s only a matter of time. it can’t be too much longer. until laying low fails. and the bad karma catches up. the punishment catches up.

this is usually when the internal warfare starts.

three.

this warfare makes my soul speak. because I wasn’t called to lay low. I was chosen. that’s why the enemy attacks me so relentlessly. because he’s afraid. afraid of what I can be when I truly answer the calls that God is making. when I surrender myself and declare God’s authority. and when I accept the strength that comes with the Lord being my rock. the devil trembles at the mere thought. and he shamelessly does everything in his power to keep me from opening the door that God is knocking on.

but when I finally open that door - things change. because the ways that i’ve been moving are showcased to me in a different light. in a light that demonstrates just how much competition I give God. with the things he’s blessed me with, I make him compete. with the temptations the enemy puts before me, I make God compete. for a place in my heart & spirit that is undoubtedly his, I make him compete.

& I’m in for a rude awakening.

four.

this rude awakening makes my soul scream & my body cease.

listen. closely.

God will call you to change who you are and what you associate with. and that will invoke panic. anxiety. fear. doubt. sadness. frustration.

the emotions you feel. the attention they warrant from you. you have the right to give that attention. the right to dedicate your awareness. even when the decisions God calls you to make can hurt those around you. even when the things you so firmly believed in are called into question. even when your clear view of the future gets murky. even when the things that gave you peace begin to keep you up at night. even when you suddenly can’t fall back on your word. even when the pain is gut-wrenching. even when you’re the bad guy in the story - because you can’t always be the good guy in every story. even when you were everything someone wanted, and it feels like you failed. even when you didn’t lie. you just started listening. you just opened the door. because God was pounding.

even in those instances. especially in those instances. honor the language of your soul - that’s God’s wisdom speaking. heal the wounds that you slapped the bandaids on. poke at the sore spots that you keep concealed. mend the bridges you’ve burned with yourself & with your Lord. and understand that when it all boils down, your decisions to do so are justified. because your Father should never need to compete for your attention. or your love. or your surrender.

and look forward to the emotions of your new self. the excitement. the joy. the compassion. the patience. the happiness. and the peace.

because no matter where you go, how you get there, or who you choose to take the journey with — the one person you can count on to always be there

is Him.

out searching –

i’ve been promoting a place of peace in my life. mourning the heartaches & shedding the tears. falling to my knees and praising. thanking. for the things I don’t deserve but receive regardless. praying for the people around me. for the battles they fight and they inform me about. and more importantly, for the battles that they fight and don’t speak of.

and I realized i’ve never been this transparent with you. and I think you deserve to know that I struggle with this. I struggle with fighting the good fight. and walking the straight paths. and staying in the light. and if you do too - I want you to know

i’m here with you. & I want you to win too.

in Jesus’s name.

anyhow - the hookah is starting to die out. I finished my coffee a short while ago. I can’t drink another or I won’t sleep. but before I walk inside, I’m just going to take a moment to look up at the stars. and listen to the crickets. and feel the nature on my skin. and take my deep breaths. and send you love.

from the woods.

if you want to be notified the next time we gather here for another (b)lesson, don’t forget to subscribe. i’ll always be looking forward to having you back. I can’t tell you what we’ll be talking about next time you’re here, but I can assure you it’ll be a good, quick read.

i’ll be praying for you just as much as i’ll be praying for myself.

all love - love always, E.

for my brother Paul.