you know, my great friends Luis & Manny opened a smoke shop in Elmwood Park called The Cabin. it’s got everything you might need. quite literally.

I myself am not much of a smoker in the traditional sense, but those who know me well enough know that I do like to enjoy my casual hookah session here and there.

and by here & there - I mean like all the time, hahaha.

but I found myself at The Cabin a few weeks ago enjoying their good company when I noticed a copy of Think & Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill sitting on a shelf. a book that has been on my ‘To Read’ list for quite a while. so I asked about it, and it belonged to Manny – and he, without question, offered it to me to read. pretty nice of him.

now i’m in the middle of my dedicated study period for the USMLE Step 1 exam – the bane of every one of my colleagues’ existence at the moment – (and my own) – so it took me a few days to open the book. and since then, I haven’t been able to put it down.

I’ve written about books I’ve been reading here on this blog before. I’ve written about The Way of the Superior Man by David Deida. I’ve written about the Bible countless times. I underlined that because I felt I needed a detail that made it seem more significant than the other books. hahaha (again). I’m funny in this blog.

but I typically feel very unnerved when I want to share the things I’m learning in these books because I journal what I’m learning as I learn it – and I journal it in a way that is very personal and very raw. but again, being personal and raw is what this blog is all about. this is supposed to be a safe space. so, I come again to offer you all a piece of the heart that I wear on my sleeve and a glimpse of the mind of which I’m a prisoner.

wow, that was impressively poetic.

the excerpt below is from my personal diary, and it reflects on the third chapter of the book. enjoy.

Chapter 3: Faith.
This chapter makes things a bit interesting, I didn't realize that the concept of auto-suggestion is something that I had practiced heavily and found successful until looking retrospectively after reading the first portion of this chapter. Thoughts that we create in our mind are finite, but thoughts that are paired with faith become spiritual and are able to transmute the reality we have faith in.
This is important – because the dominating thoughts in our minds get repeated to our subconscious so often that we begin to have faith in the negative thoughts we have in our minds. Essentially, I create my own lack of self-confidence, my own fear on the basketball court, my own failures in relationships, my own traumas with women, my own laziness and procrastination, and my own short-comings because I allow my imagination to be dominated with thoughts of my own failure until my subconscious begins to have faith that I will indeed fail.
And as we know, the dominating thoughts in our minds attract that very reality. If I wanted to put this in context with God, I don't think I ask God for certain things nor do I have faith that he will accomplish certain things because my own mind has internalized those as failures in my life, and, as a result, has already assumed that the prayers I do send God won't even come to fruition. There's no faith. It also keeps me from asking God for certain blessings because it makes me believe that the idea of receiving those blessings is outlandish – I cannot possibly receive blessings of that magnitude.
But there was a time when I didn't think this way. There was a time when I hacked my own subconscious into having faith in myself. There was a time when I unknowingly changed the entire trajectory of my life. And I even wrote about it on the blog: built, not bought.
It was the self-talk.
The auto-suggestion.
I was in the shower repeating positive affirmations over my own life so often that my subconscious had no choice but to believe that I was healed, that I was worth restoration, that I was happy, that I was productive, that God was swinging for the fences for me. And guess what – my subconscious had no choice but to have faith in these things. And because I had faith, because I hacked myself into developing faith, God answered, and he did indeed swing for the fences.
One negative thought has the power to invite relatives – other similarly negative thoughts, until they dominate the space. But the same is true about positive thought – it attracts other positive thoughts until they dominate the space. So I must forcefully fill my mind with positive thought, I must forcefully repeat them over and over until my subconscious has no choice but to have faith in those thoughts, then I must formulate prayer over those thoughts with my newfound faith – and let God go to work. This is the secret to good living.
I'm going to create a document. I'm going to save it in my 'Grown Man Files.' folder. It'll be a document with positive affirmations that address all of the biggest fears and doubts I hold over the things that I truly desire. The things that I don't actually allow myself to dream about. And then I'm going to get really annoying with my subconscious, and really annoying with God. I'm going to be a pest. Until I have no choice but to have faith in the things I truly want for myself, until I have no choice but to ooze confidence, and until God has no choice to act upon my faith and my confidence – because he knows I'm developing these things with good intention. And because I'll be doing what he instructed me to do – asking boldly.
The best thing that could have happened for me, my purpose, and the things in this life that I will come into contact with is the reading of this chapter – because everything I touch from here on out will find a way to improve. With my persistence, everything I come to interact with will improve.
That starts with me first.

I know that you can relate. I know there was a time when you were the thief of all your glory. and you might still be that thief. I think an interesting component of this entire ordeal is how often we’re encouraged to have faith when times are tough and when we feel defeated. but no one ever gives us insight into how to develop faith. it’s hard to practice a skill you don’t have, don’t know how to create, and can’t quite put a finger on.

it turns out the only way to have faith is to drill it into yourself until you have no choice but to accept it subconsciously.

it requires persistence, humility, a lack of ego, and a deep-rooted understanding that you aren’t as strong as you think. that your tip of the iceberg that you allow the public to see is impressive, but it doesn’t reflect the 90% of you that is submerged in water – submerged in self-doubt – submerged in disbelief.

& listen, you guys should know me by now if you’ve been here consistently. I don’t really get down with the weird, heebie-jeebie, looney-tune talk that can be off-putting. & I recognize that this concept can be off-putting. but is it more off-putting than how you do think about yourself compared to how you truly want to think about yourself?

sit with that for a bit.

if you want to be notified the next time we gather here for another (b)lesson, don’t forget to subscribe. i’ll always be looking forward to having you back. I can’t tell you what we’ll be talking about next time you’re here, but I can assure you it’ll be a good, quick read.

if everything around you appears dark, take a deeper look – you might be the light that is missing.

all love - love always, E.